I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
