So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize