Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
