I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
