My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
