The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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