I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
