I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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