my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You may now shotgun with the bride
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
