I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize