Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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