Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize