So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
