I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He better not be in your backpack
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
