Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize