I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
