Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i dont even know how to be here
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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