I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
