My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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