the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
