It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
