so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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