I can't watch pbs sober anymore
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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