I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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