Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
