so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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