I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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