This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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