here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
