The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i was born a porn star she said
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
