I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
