At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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