thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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