That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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