I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
