Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
