Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
