Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
