Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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