My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
