last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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