just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
