I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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