New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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