Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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