Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm gonna fight the coyote
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
