Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize