naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
