There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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