I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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