all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
