So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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