Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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