I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
