Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
