I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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