totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
