Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
