I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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