Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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