stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
