Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
