What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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