i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
